Deliver me disaster

My dad was badly addicted to cigarettes.  He would smoke 3+ packs a day.  Then, at the age of 39, he got lung cancer.  He survived, and then proceeded to quit smoking.

When he'd tell the story to others, he'd always say that he wished he could start smoking again, just to go through the process of quitting, because it was the best thing he'd ever done for himself.  I always thought that was odd, at the time.

But now I understand what he meant, I think.  Humans derive great joy from tackling and accomplishing tasks that seem daunting if not undoable, at first.

I weighed 200lbs 2 years ago, now I weigh 150 and can run 5 miles in 35minutes.  I almost wish I could be fat again, just to go thru that transformation once more.

I think we all secretly hope for disaster to befall us or our community.  I wished Y2K was going to happen.  I invite the tsunami to sweep thru downtown Seattle and force me to run for the hillsides.

I wish I'd get fired.  I wish I'd get evicted.  I want to declare bankruptcy.  I want to struggle.  Life's too easy.

Deliver me disaster.